I’m Living

It’s 6.5 years since we lost my gorgeous son Samuel…

And in that time, life has truly changed.

I’ve cried a lot, I sometimes wished that I had died, I have yelled, kicked, screamed and punched.

Actually I still do a lot. – kick, scream and yell that is!!

But I am living.

I take each day as it comes.

I’m on meds, for my depression and I am sure that is one huge help in getting me through the days.

So much has changed since that dreaded morning in November 2005.

I have  grown.

I have slowly learnt to live with the fact that Samuel will not be home again with us.

I can say his name without tears rolling down my cheeks – although sometimes it is damn hard.

There is laughter – especially about the things Samuel used to do.

There are fears.

I’ve learnt about the condition that not only Samuel had, but two other children and myself.

I’ve made friends.

I’ve lost friends.

I’ve married again.

I’ve become the Aunty to two special little girls.

But most of all – I am LIVING…

I like to think that I have lived through the worst of it.

The battle with grief…

The roller coaster road – although I cannot seem to find the way to even that out.

But I am here.

I can tell people about my precious boy and his gorgeous siblings.

I have learnt so many things from the loss of my son.

I have shared with people about our highs, lows and in betweens.

I know I have bought some awareness to the fact that it’s not just healthy babies that die in their sleep.

But most of all I am living!!

I’m living to tell those around me that I was down …

But I have climbed up…

I’d like to say I have kicked depression hard and out of my life, but not yet…

It’s here still but with the help of medication

I AM LIVING!!!

So, if you are down…

You can do it, you can get back up and show the world that you too are alive and well!!

YOU ARE LIVING!!